A Gold Star

The nine months Wei Wuixan and Wen Qing lived together was a pretty terrible time in both their lives, and neither of them were making great decisions. They were living off cheap noodles and split shifts so Wen Ning could keep his part-time landscaping/babysitting job which didn’t pay well.

A thing which Wen Qing is still not, after all this time, sure how to feel about is something she thinks about as “I need to get laid.” The way it would work was, late at night, when they were alone in the apartment, Wen Qing would say, idly, or despairingly, or frustrated: “I need to get laid,” and Wei Wuixan would crawl over.

And if that was all, her petting Wei Wuixan’s hair while he went down on her, she’d look back on it fondly, but with the benefit of hindsight, she’s aware they were both pretty fucked up about various stuff, and maybe that wasn’t… great the way they went about it.

Telling Wei Wuixan he could never tell anyone she let him do this, was, at the time, mostly about her weird ideas about being a gold star lesbian, a concept she doesn’t really have any patience for at this time in her life.

(And maybe, a little bit, her awareness that they where both fucked up, and her fear that the only one who could ever know her and love her was someone just as fucked up as her. That’s the part where him knowing her too well comes in.)

But. She’s pretty sure Wei Wuixan took being told not to tell anyone as one more bit of never good enough.

So, when she’s hanging out at Wei Wuixan and Lan Wangji’s, kicking off her heels and enjoying the teeny amount of red wine she allows herself if she’s going to drive home later, and she says “I shouldn’t have even gone on the first date, I don’t know why I said yes. I need to get laid.”

Wei Wuixan breaks out in hysterical giggles, and then clams up immediately, looking guilty. Lan Wangji looks between them, but doesn’t push, because, unlike her, he’s not… a pusher. She pushes.

Well. She’s older now, she does it more subtly.

A week later, she and Lan Wangji meet up to coordinate things for a client, and afterward, Lan Wangji says, “Wei Wuixan says I should ask you about any questions I might have about your mutual history. He feels he may have betrayed your confidence,” and Wen Qing just kinda lays it all out.

She tells him they used to do something that was kind of like hooking up, except she never took care of Wei Wuixan, and Wei Wuixan… kind of seemed to like it? But in retrospect, she feels like maybe it was interacting with his self-worth in ways that were not great.

(She also tells him she considers herself bi…ish at this point in her life but usually doesn’t advertise it because of the high percentage of unicorn hunters and bi-phobia and various bullshit. Lan Wangji looks very embarrassed and is like “I am not even slightly bi. I’m incredibly gay.”)

So she’s like “Yeah, that’s the deal, I don’t regret it, but I kinda regret it?” and Lan Wangji is like “You’re one of Wei Wuixan’s closest friends, and know you’ve done so much for him, and been there at a time when no one else was, etc.” and she’s like “Yeah, but still.”

And they negotiate the parameters for a do-over. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuixan have a short-ish conversation about it, and Lan Wangji and Wen Qing have a much longer one, because they have never seen each other naked and aren’t sure they want to, so they work out some of those details. The first time, she’s really careful to only give him praise, tell him how good he’s being, even though she knows he would definitely… not mind, if she kicked him back onto the carpet and told him to beg.

And it’s not that that’s… not a thing she could be into. but. So she lets Lan Wangji be the one to say “You’re not even trying, you can do better,” and “Is this how we treat our guests?” and “Look at you, you’re desperate.” That’s fine, Wei Wuixan knows Lan Wangji is wildly in love with him, this can be how it is between them.

But for her, she pets his hair, tells him he’s pretty, good, A-plus, gold star.

The first time, it starts awkward, but as she gives him praise, she can tell he loves it, melting down into her lap, loosening up and going to town. It’s good. She’s glad they’ve done this, because, well. She needs to get laid, obviously, but also for everything between them, this is one of the few injuries she’s given him that she has a chance to put right.

But somehow, there’s a next time, and Wei Wuixan is like “You can be meaner, I know you can be meaner.”

She tells him he’s awful pushy for someone on his knees, and if he wants her to be mean, he’ll have to do something to earn it.

And occasionally, she meets Lan Wangji’s gaze, and they agree he’s earned it.

THE END

but I want to add that in Lan Wangji and Wei Wuixan’s conversation that Wen Qing was not party to, Lan Wangji was like “okay but… what if… you missed boobs? Like, I can only give you dick?” and Wei Wuixan was like “if you think Wen Qing let me see her boobs you are wrong. Also that’s not how bi works.”